See the trailer, and my thoughts, after the break!
0:35 – Fuzzy and broken video footage finally clears up enough to bring the US Capitol building’s dome crumbling into a fire currently gutting the body of the nationally significant building. So maybe my gut reaction to the footage and devastation of “ZOMBIES!” was far from warranted. It is also not Cloverfield 2.
0:38 – “America will never be destroyed…” The first part of a quote marks the screen as we hear a man’s voice reporting that this surprise act of terrorism has not been claimed at this point. How are we supposed to know who to fear!?
0:45 – “…from the outside…”
0:47 – My guess is the diversion they’re talking about was the Capitol building, and now it’s time to take aim at the White House. Question: As soon as that first explosion happened, wouldn’t the president be evacuated? Isn’t that what happened on 9/11? So why the heck would he still be at home? Fail, secret service!
0:49 – Whoever was flying Air Force 1 should know better than to fly directly over a anti-aircraft missile defense system like that. Tsk Tsk. Good think he probably won’t live through that because there is going to be so much egg on his face. Plus side, he will not be known as the pilot who got the president killed. The same cannot be said for whoever else is actually on the plane.
0:53 – “…if we falter…”
0:54 – Who the heck buzzes city streets with helicopters like that! The Capitol is smoking off in the distance, so maybe the explosives came from these guys. But if it is the military chasing those responsible, then that’s just rude.
0:56 – “…and lose our freedoms…”
0:58 – White house go boom! It was scarier when the aliens did it…
1:01 – “…it will be because…”
1:05 – “…we destroyed ourselves.” Goodness Abraham Lincoln, you were a bleak man, all self-deprecating and what not of the nation that you swore to protect. Where are those positive speeches where we talk about how great we are? U-S-A! U-S-A!
1:09 – Ok, I’m back to thinking about a zombie movie again…
1:24 – A hero arises from the shadows. It’s Channing Tatum! And there was much rejoicing. If he is only a police officer visiting the White House for the tour (as IMDB says), then where the heck did he get that gun from? He’s also dressed really nicely for just a tour.
1:29 – Really Roland Emmerich, you’re ok with being associated with 2012? I can understand Independence Day. Heck, I even enjoyed The Day After Tomorrow. But we’d all like to forget that travesty, and you should too, no matter how fun some of the crumbling buildings and disappearing streets were to look at.
1:38 – There’s Lincoln again, judging us from his seat on high like a disappointed parent. I can just hear him now: “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed. You brought this on yourself. Now hug and make-up.” That last bit is more my mom than Lincoln.
1:51 – A clock counts down, with only 8 minutes remaining. If this is all the time Tatum has to stop the terrorists from hacking into the nation’s secrets then this is going to be one short movie. Then again, it already looks like Tatum has been through a lot, so I’m sure there were plenty more explosions before we got to this point. Just better hurry up because the download or upload or whatever the heck they’re doing with the secrets is at 85%.
1:53 – Tatum has lost his nice jacket and tie that we first saw him in. He must mean business! Wait, you wear suits and ties to business stuff… Shh you know what I mean!
1:58 – Open you’re eyes when you’re shooting, Tatum! Don’t be a wimp!
1:59 – Someone needs to remind people that there are only parking spaces available outside the White House.
2:00 – Way to go getting bringing your daughter into this mess. Epic parenting mistake.
2:02 – Great, now Tatum has lost his tactical jacket. At this rate we might be ending the film with a sneak peek to Magic Mike 2!
2:07 – The bad news: we know Foxx and Tatum get out of the White House. The good news: things don’t go well for them, so hopefully this isn’t a huge reveal for the end of the film.
2:09 – Bah! We just got the SUV out of the White House and now there’s one in the pool that we have to deal with!
2:13 – I think the main body of the budget for this film went to helicopters, because it looks like they’re going to be getting more screen time than the President.
Final Thoughts – Mostly we’ve just seen a lot of fire burning from explosions and helicopters flying about, so there’s a good chance that this movie is going to have a poo ton of action. Hopefully there will be some Foxx though. I’m not his biggest fan, but I would prefer to have more scenes than this trailer has lead me to believe there to be between Foxx and Tatum because they could probably be pretty funny riffing off of each other. Then again, maybe the President is too serious of a character, and this isn’t 21 Jump Street. If Emmerich knows anything, it’s how to shoot something and make it look good, so White House Down sure will be fun to look at, even if the story and characters aren’t there.