The Breakdown: The Wolverine Trailer

wolverine

“I’m the best there is at what I do, but what I did in my previous movie wasn’t very nice”

This is a breakdown of The Wolverine trailer, which is included after the break. [Lauren’s note: for this breakdown we’ve got a special guest writer, so be nice!]

0:11 – We start off with James Howlett (Wolverine) doing what he does best, going to the bar and getting a Coors. Thank you product placement for paying for Hollywood movies and subtlety making me want a Coors. Damn you Coors (Shaking my fist in the air)!

0:14 – In walks Yukio, the trained assassin and expert in red highlights. She has been searching for Wolverine.

0:17 – Seems when Wolverine got shot in the head and lost his memory he figured that he would pursue his passion of being a homeless guy.

0:21 – Question? Are katanas TSA safe now?  Because I don’t think they are going to let her on that plane.

0:31 – Enter generic Japan shot. We’re taking the series to Japan. Fanboys rejoice.

0:38 – Wolverine must have been working double duty on both sides of WWII because he saves Yashida in Japan and fights for the US in Origins. Wolverine don’t discriminate, he does what he wants!

0:43 – Yashida wants to pay back Wolverine by taking away what the weapon x project gave him. If I were wolverine I would want that giant Pin Art Toy he is laying on and make lewd shapes in it.

0:48 – Enter Mariko Yashida. Look out Jean, The Wolverine has room in his heart for multiple ladies. His Healing factor can fight off STDs, so no need for glove love.

1:06 – Yashida must have died from having too much fun on that Pin Art Toy. Someone’s plotting on Wolverine at the funeral and now is the first time Wolverine will feel the pain of a gunshot.

1:14 – Showdown time between Wolverine and Silver Samurai. Nerd moment: Silver Samurai is a mutant that has the ability to create an energy field around his sword that can cut through anything except…adamantium.

1:15 – Bitch, did you just cut me?

1:25 – Lookout Wolverine, it is the Japanese Hawkeye!

1:28 – If you are keeping track at home this is the third woman in this trailer that Wolverine is getting down with. Viper is her name and toxins and venoms are her game. Wolverine is a man whore, and I believe has a thing with Yukio later too.

1:29 – With the deed done and his healing power not working, what is Wolverine to do? Will he have to rely on his exoskeleton made of indestructible adamantium to kill people? This sounds like Wolverine is in a tight spot.

1:36 – Snikt Snikt

1:38 – Wolverine came to drink beer and kick some Ninja ass. He’s almost out of beer.

1:42 – Viper showing off her new facial mask. It looks like it is working well. Wolverine will be so jealous.

1:47 – Wolverine is totally out of his element.

The trailer looks cool and is edited well, but I don’t know if this is going to be good enough to make a comeback for the Wolverine franchise. The drama and plot seems a little thin from what I can pick out from the trailer, even though I know that a lot of the story was taken strait from the comic book.  Then again, I think that whole losing his Healing Factor thing is new.

This trailer breakdown was brought to you by Coors.